Here goes: People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a God send and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime..
Monday, February 20, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
When Friends Leave
I've been in Rome for a little over a year now and have met many many people and have made many many friends. Some friends I'm sure I'll keep for many years to come and some not. One of the hardest things to get used to in this dream life in Rome, is the leaving of friends. Maybe you spend three or six months getting to know someone, and then one day they have disappeared from your everyday reality.
Helen, I only knew for four months before she returned to the land of reality. We met at orientatoin last January and it had just so happened that I had known her sister in a class at Hunter College in New York. We were fast friends and not only did we come to depend on each other as if we had known each other much longer than four months, but we also had great times together. We are totally unalike, I grew up in suburban LA and she in Queens. Helen comes from Phillipino roots rich in the tradition of family and Romanian background rought with Cold War mystery. Compared to her my life is a tragic straight line, from one point to the next. In any case, although I am terrible at keeping in touch we still manage to talk every few weeks. I miss her and wish her the best.
Next to leave, about ten months after I met him, was Matt. One of the savviest individuals I've met in a longtime, Matt is the bearer of more useless knowledge than I could have imagined existed. It was always a running joke with us, who has more Trivial Pursuit knowledge? In addition to Matt's intelligence, there is also his heart. He always amazed me with his way of making someone laugh when they didn't want to or didn't think they could. He knew how to look at situations analytically and his spin on things was always either helpful or so totally ridiculous, you forgot you had a problem...
Then there are L and K. I have to mention them together because they are total polar opposites, or as my academic hero would say 'they are diametrically opposed.' K a sensitive, lost in the clouds, positive thinker and L a realist with very few soft spots for anything were ying and yang. I think what drew them together was their common history. K an only child, grew up in privilege in Hong Kong and at the early age of 13 left her family and country for Britain. She attended a boarding school, complete with etiquette courses that still puzzle me today: introductions should always be carried out by introducing the woman to the man, not vice versa. After boarding school, K traveled even further from her roots and ended up in Connecticut for undergrad. After a few years of being a Manhattan wage-slave she came to Rome to do an MBA. L too was born into, what I would label as privilege, the only child of a well-off Croatian couple during the Cold War. Growing up, she was constantly at the top of her class and during the Balkan wars of the 90's developed a political sense not shared by many of her countrymen. One summer she traveled to Rome and met a fabulous Italian whom she believed she was in love with. By the next year she had enrolled in my program here in Rome and thought her future was cemented complete with Italian boyfriend and American master's degree. After a certain amount of time however, he managed to break her heart. All the sensitivity and idealism about romance left her heart. I don't believe she's been the same since. L is a pragmatist and sees postivity only when it's outside of herself (she refuses to recognize, at times, all the wonderful things about her own person). For this I know that we were always meant to be friends. K on the other hand is a dreamer and an emotional analyzer, and for this I know that we were also meant to be friends. It may be strange that these two women, so completely opposite could share a profound friendship, but what is more strange is that I identified with both of them and at some points in our friendship, bridged the gap between the two: a little realism and a little dreaminess always seemed to be the right balance. Very recently, both L and K completed their two and three year journeys in Rome. I was fortunate to know them each for a year and share some unique times with them, that I would have not otherwise experienced.
This school, this city, and my experience here has changed completely with the departures of these four friends. I'm glad though that our paths crossed for even the shortest of periods. I am a changed person because of their presences in my life.
Helen, I only knew for four months before she returned to the land of reality. We met at orientatoin last January and it had just so happened that I had known her sister in a class at Hunter College in New York. We were fast friends and not only did we come to depend on each other as if we had known each other much longer than four months, but we also had great times together. We are totally unalike, I grew up in suburban LA and she in Queens. Helen comes from Phillipino roots rich in the tradition of family and Romanian background rought with Cold War mystery. Compared to her my life is a tragic straight line, from one point to the next. In any case, although I am terrible at keeping in touch we still manage to talk every few weeks. I miss her and wish her the best.
Next to leave, about ten months after I met him, was Matt. One of the savviest individuals I've met in a longtime, Matt is the bearer of more useless knowledge than I could have imagined existed. It was always a running joke with us, who has more Trivial Pursuit knowledge? In addition to Matt's intelligence, there is also his heart. He always amazed me with his way of making someone laugh when they didn't want to or didn't think they could. He knew how to look at situations analytically and his spin on things was always either helpful or so totally ridiculous, you forgot you had a problem...
Then there are L and K. I have to mention them together because they are total polar opposites, or as my academic hero would say 'they are diametrically opposed.' K a sensitive, lost in the clouds, positive thinker and L a realist with very few soft spots for anything were ying and yang. I think what drew them together was their common history. K an only child, grew up in privilege in Hong Kong and at the early age of 13 left her family and country for Britain. She attended a boarding school, complete with etiquette courses that still puzzle me today: introductions should always be carried out by introducing the woman to the man, not vice versa. After boarding school, K traveled even further from her roots and ended up in Connecticut for undergrad. After a few years of being a Manhattan wage-slave she came to Rome to do an MBA. L too was born into, what I would label as privilege, the only child of a well-off Croatian couple during the Cold War. Growing up, she was constantly at the top of her class and during the Balkan wars of the 90's developed a political sense not shared by many of her countrymen. One summer she traveled to Rome and met a fabulous Italian whom she believed she was in love with. By the next year she had enrolled in my program here in Rome and thought her future was cemented complete with Italian boyfriend and American master's degree. After a certain amount of time however, he managed to break her heart. All the sensitivity and idealism about romance left her heart. I don't believe she's been the same since. L is a pragmatist and sees postivity only when it's outside of herself (she refuses to recognize, at times, all the wonderful things about her own person). For this I know that we were always meant to be friends. K on the other hand is a dreamer and an emotional analyzer, and for this I know that we were also meant to be friends. It may be strange that these two women, so completely opposite could share a profound friendship, but what is more strange is that I identified with both of them and at some points in our friendship, bridged the gap between the two: a little realism and a little dreaminess always seemed to be the right balance. Very recently, both L and K completed their two and three year journeys in Rome. I was fortunate to know them each for a year and share some unique times with them, that I would have not otherwise experienced.
This school, this city, and my experience here has changed completely with the departures of these four friends. I'm glad though that our paths crossed for even the shortest of periods. I am a changed person because of their presences in my life.
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