End of summer...

Birthday Story

Dear Zoe,

Bringing you into this world was a balancing act just like everyday since then has been.  Daddy and I dividing our selves, attention, and time when necessary for you and your sister.  You are beautiful, amazing, and thankfully very healthy.

First swimming lesson...

I have to admit that I am discovering having made certain mistakes with you that maybe a lot mothers make with first children.  Take for example today: your first swimming lesson.  I waited three years for your first swimming lesson  ( because of my own hang ups) only to be told by friends that it would have been easier on you if we had started sooner; before you really new how to be scared.

Nevertheless we went.  It took you nearly the whole lesson to get comfortable enough to get into the water with someone you didn't know.  You hid behind me and recoiled in fear when the very sweet teachers, Antonella and Francesca, came near.  Armed with floaties, swim cap, and a bathing suit I later realized was too small for you, you finally went with Francesca into the water grinning from ear to ear.

It was a short swim since the class was actually over but it was a big step toward your independence.   It makes me simultaneously sad and proud and I realize you cannot be my little monkey forever, I've got to make you strong and independent.

May Day

At school...

new things...

There are new things happening in our house. On February 10th, I felt your sister move for the first time. It is a joy that I can't share with anyone, even Daddy, until she gets big enough for others to feel from the outside. My pregnancy has been thus far long and very rough and as I write we are only at the half-way mark. I don't know what the future holds for us or for your baby sister, but for now I am trying to think positively. As your sister grows inside of me, your life is taking great strides forward- whether you realize or not. On Saturday March 9th Daddy took the moveable side of your crib off and your baby bed transformed officially into a 'big-girl-bed'! The first night went relatively smoothly. You fell out once onto the pile of blankets and port-a-crib mattress which I had doctored up just for that purpose. You cried while still in a deep sleep but I got you back in to bed easily. The next morning, you had a 102 F temperature and thus your entire first week in the big girl bed came easily to me, because you fell asleep so easily in your weakend state. :) Here you are, fallen asleep on the floor in your room: You and I stayed home, barricaded in the house for the entire week. On Wednesday March 13th we were looking for things to do after having exhausted coloring and playing with your toys. So I decided to build you a blanket tent in your new big-girl bed. My brothers ans I had built blanket tents loads of times growing up and I decided it was time to carry-on the tradition. It started out great but once I added a door and tried to take a picture of you inside it, the project went downhill, literally. You were moving around inside the tent with Teletubbies and other toys and lost your balance, you reached for the blanket door for balance but since it was just a blanket door, I saw you in slow motion, though I could not stop it: fly downward out of the big-girl-bed-tent face down onto the floor. There were no blankets or mattresses to break your fall. You screamed in terror and pain and I picked you up immediately to comfort you. Blood was trickling from your nose. Your first bloody-nose! Though perhaps it was entirely my fualt. I got you into the bathroom, set you on the toilet and showed you that I was sticking toilet paper in my nose and that I 'd do the same for you. You didn't like the idea, but after a few tries, we got the bleeding to stop. You hiccupped through tears (still flowing from the fright of the whole scene) that you did not like the tent and agreed when I suggested that we take it down. Here is a picture of the beginnings of the tent: On Saturday morning (March 16th)Daddy and I were given a little surprise that we had wondered about and hoped for since we found out I was pregnant with you. It was exaclty a week that you were now sleeping in your big-girl-bed; you hadn't once gotten out of the bed on your own, but called for me when you needed to go to the bathroom or wanted to get out of bed in the mornings. Daddy and I were huddled under the blankets of our bed, whispering to each other half-awake, when he suddenly stopped whispering and said 'Ciao amore, buongiorno!' You had gotten out of your bed on your own and come to climb in to bed with us. Tears pooled in my eyes. It was a simple silly moment, but it meant that you were really growing up. Our moment of cuddling in bed together lasted about 15 seconds before you demanded that I get out of bed to watch cartoons with you. Nevertheless, they are 15 seconds I'll never forget.

spring is in the air...

thanksgiving

this year thanksgiving involved and unusual, joyous surprise...

you and i went to thanksgiving lunch at my school. we got a little dressed up and got in the car to drive in to the center.  we parked on the lungotevere after driving around in circles several times and when we got out of the car, you were so excited to be anywhere but school. it was a crisp autumn day.  the fall had been strangely warm until now but the week of thanksgiving, things started to turn around.

'mommy, look at the boats! look at the birds! and the leaves!' you were giddy with excitement.  we walked along the river and you looked at all of the leaves on the ground; connecting what you had learned at school about 'autunno' and what we were seeing together then. you picked up a huge perfect leaf from the ground and i quashed the urge to tell you to put it down because it was dirty.  you were too happy.  we walked a little more and you realized that i didn't have a leaf, so you picked one up for me too. the day was beginning beautifully.

when we got to ponte sisto, you ran up the bridge to the middle, laughing and screaming the whole way. street vendors were on each side of us trying to distract us from the simple fun of running. the way down was even more fun for you, but my mothering instincts kicked in and i envisioned you tumbling and rolling into traffic with the momentum you had picked up from the downhill run. i told you to slow down, that the big cars wouldn't be able to see you, and so you unhappily but very obediently did.

across the street we walked through campo dei fiori and down via baulari. we alternated walking and me holding you.  you are heavy now and i got tired fast. strangers smiled and said hello to you.  we held our leaves all the while.

we stopped for a coffee at my usual bar. the barmen fawned over you as i drank a cappuccino and you a glass of water. then we went on to my office.

my boss was waiting for you and she showered you with gifts upon your entrance.  you spoke to her and said some amazing things for a two year old-as usual- and so the day went.  you met jnb and you were enchanted by him and he by you. Perhaps he reminds you of your uncles: tall, thin, english speaking.  We prepared our dishes, I made apple pie, which we did not get to eat in the end, jnb made fruit salad and arf a pasta al forno. And then we waited for the 'boys and girls' to come.

It was a long day just for a lunch, but it was thanksgiving and i have to try my hardest to make you know you are american and feel it too.  you had a great time and so did I.  I was so tired that we didn't even stay for apple or pumpkin pie (something I desperately wanted you to eat ;-)). You were tired too and so I had to carry you almost the whole way back to the car. Nothing tasted to right to me that day: the stuffing, the sweet potatoes, the cranberry sauce, hell, even the one nice bottle of wine which we had been treated to tasted less than a 'two buck chuck'. I chalked it up to student cooking but in the back of my mind I added all this to the fact that my daily cappuccino was tasting horrible recently.

You conked out in the car almost immediately as we drove home.  I was so happy to have spent the day with you.  It certainly wasn't a typical American Thanksgiving but it was a good start. I had also finally gotten to show you all the sights in centro that I never thought would be possible. It was a very good day.

We finally got home and the evening was off to a normal start. Daddy came home, Nonno came over, and the house took on its evening hum: you giggling with Nonno, me desperately trying to make something for dinner and daddy puttering around the house doing things here and there.  I took the opportunity to duck into the bathroom, and pulled out the pregnancy test I had bought a month or two ago.

When it was ready, I laid it on the bathroom counter and sat on the toilet to wait. The stick slowly absorbed my pee pee (as you say) and I was reminded of doing litmus tests  in high school or electrophoresis in college, ,then as if by magic THE second pink line appeared. I didn't wig out, as I had when I found out I was pregnant with you, but instead felt a wave of calm happiness come over me and a huge grin spread across my face.

I opened the door to the bathroom and called for Daddy. When he came, I closed us both in the bathroom and said 'Eva is going to be a big sister!' We hugged and kissed and looked at each other with stupid grins for a while before we exited the bathroom and continued our typical week night at home. All the while,  Daddy and I grinned at each other with special glints in our eyes.