i miss you

this is no longer something crazy and ridiculous that i have 'gone off and done.' yes it's bloody hard here and sometimes i feel like just giving up, but then i remember that i am in one of the oldest cities in the world, i have my own office, and i love someone. not necessarily in that order of course. :p this is my life and not some crazy whim.

i wrote to a friend earlier this week in desperation telling her that i felt that i had lost part of myself. life has changed immensely, but almost without me knowing. how much i miss my friends and the comfort of their companionship, their silly jokes, and hearing about their lives dawned on me this week. true, it's not fair to a place like rome or a life like mine to say 'i give up. this is just too hard.' but sometimes i feel like saying it. maybe not necessarily doing it though. this life is my life now , my reality and although some may not agree, i am stuck with it. no more running away from the hard stuff. plus, anytime things get too hard, i have an amazing man to push me to keep going, to remind me how i got to where i am, and to make me laugh. laughter is important.

his professional life is getting more complicated as the days go by, and i am doing a job that i never imagined myself in. in any case, it's time for me to remember me. i have given myself this past year to us and almost nothing else. i don't see anything wrong in this, because there is no sense in only loving someone half-heartedly. now, though, i have to learn how to be a person and love him and be there for him at the same time. all of this in a country where i am still learning the language and can count my friends with three fingers. there is no one to blame here but myself, and in fact i can't even knowingly do that. i have found in him everything i need in someone else, so why should i not give every ounce of myself to him?

so yes. now i will write an article for my best friend's new magazine, i will send my resume to my brother in hopes of starting translation work, and i will write, finally, to the subtitling company to see if they have any openings for translators. it's time. i'm putting on my shoes, let's go.